Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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