not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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