Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
