You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
