I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
