I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
