either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
