The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
