I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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