worst night to have a conscience
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
