did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
