So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
