I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
