LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
