That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
