I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
