do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
