her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize