Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
