i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
