i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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