Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
