i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
