Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
there is puke in my bra ... again
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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