I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
