upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
