Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
