sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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