By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
