For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
