having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
