her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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