whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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