my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
