He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
