I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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