I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
