I got chris browned last night
i think i have herpe
just one?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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