I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
