Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
