he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
