apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
