Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
