I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
