This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
