Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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