i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
