I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
