plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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