Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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