I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
