I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
