I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
