No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
