Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
