THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
