At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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