We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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