i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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