He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
