too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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