I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize