I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
