I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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