ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
