as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
