We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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