Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
