Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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