Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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