She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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