The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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