Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize