Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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