You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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