why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
