Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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