I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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