I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
