Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
