i permit you to call me
someone owes me an orgasm
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
