Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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