I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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