I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
