um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
