you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
