ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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