dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
