I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
