theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
