Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
