I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
