my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
